8 Signs You’ll Never Be An Alpha Male

The alpha male is cool and confident. Picture Sean Connery as the suave agent 007 and you’re seeing for yourself just how awesome this type of guy is in every way. When he enters the room, heads turn – not just the women are gawking at him but the men too.

He’s the bro you want to hang out with, and you admire his laid-back demeanor. What he doesn’t have, though, is every quality that you possess. Harsh? Maybe. True? Yup. Here are 8 signs that you’ll never be an alpha male.

1. You’re a Butt Kisser

Butt Kisser is Not an Alpha Male
You’re fine with kissing some serious butt to get ahead, unlike an alpha male, and we’re close to vomiting just thinking about the number of ass hickeys you’ve given. He believes in working hard instead.

2. You Need a Panic Room

Panic and You are Not an Alpha Male
You can’t take the pressure. You freak out when you even think about watching the original Saw movie and don’t even get you started on what happens when a baby starts to cry. We’ll come find you bawling under the bed later but in the meantime the alpha male is already acting wisely. He takes responsible action.

3. You Play The Blame Game

Blame Game Leads to Game Over
When you’re not inviting buds over to play Twister (ahem *dweeb* ahem), you’re playing the blame game.

It’s your brother’s fault that the pizza went moldy because it sat on your carpet for two weeks. Right. The alpha male is owning his mistakes while you own a rank slice of pizza.

4. You Wear Liar Pants

On Fire You Liar
We have a few words for you: Liar, liar, pants on fire. You told your girlfriend you weren’t interested in strippers. Ha. You told your buddies you got laid last night. Double ha. An alpha male is a truthful guy. He has morals, and your pants are still on fire.

5. You Spend Her Money

Take Her Money, Not Alpha Male

If she offers to pay for dinner, you let her… And if she doesn’t ask, you still demand she pays for it. Better set another chair at the table for the alpha male who is going to sweep her off her feet by paying for her next meal. And she won’t be eating you anytime soon either.

6. You Kill The Wolf Pack

Alpha Male and the Wolf Pack
You must like that knife that you’re sticking into everyone’s back. An alpha male never stabs the members of his wolf pack in the back. He’d rather help his buds rather than hurt them.

7. You’re Sorry? Nope.

Alpha Male Apologizes

If you don’t apologize, ever, because you don’t think you’re wrong, ever, then you’re not going to be an alpha male. Ever. An alpha male admits to being wrong, says he’s sorry and makes amends. You get drunk instead.

8. You Act. Then Think. Then Chaos Occurs.

Chaos, Not the Alpha Male
The saying, “think before you act” is not one you’ve put into action. You go off in a million directions, act loco, and then wonder why mayhem happens. If you were an alpha male, you would have thought it through first and then acted confidently in the right way.

So, it’s obvious you’re not an alpha male. On the bright side, you can brag about being an unapologetic backstabber who panics about his boss ass bitch ways. Have fun with that.