The computer ads of decades past are great to look back on to see just how far technology has progressed today. It’s also worth a laugh to see how marketers of the past used babies, pools, and women to try to sell computers. We’ve selected 18 vintage computer ads that are so bad it hurts.
1.Baby On Board… To Learn
2.Grow & Groan
This 1960s ad makes it quite clear that you’ll grow a giant body if you get the advertised job. Right, that’s why you want the job. Uh huh. Sure, it would be great to be ten times our current height but then again we’d just settle for everyone around us having a bit of common sense.
3.Shhhh, I Wanna Tell Ya Something
4.Partner Of Your Dreams
Here are a few extra lines to add to the quote in this bad advert: “One day later, I realized with huge disappointment that this dumb machine wouldn’t have a drink with me like my real partner would do.” Priceless.
5.Brainiac Back Then
It’s less than $5! Let’s celebrate! The retro ad from a 1967 Marvel comic book shows a unique tech product that we likely wouldn’t see today. Although we do have a friend that also is fun at parties and tells fortunes once he gets a few drinks in him.
6.That’s Some Storage You Got There
7.I’m Too Sexy For This Computer
8.Hit (The Keys) & Run
You’ll be like a friggin’ superhero with the MultiSpeed computer! The way the tie is flying, we hope we can catch up with this jet setter! It’s such a bad computer ad that it hurts (almost as much as a hit and run).
9.Ditch The Dog, Get A New ‘Puter
So much for a dog being man’s best friend. It looks like this retro TRS-80 Model 4 from Tandy was meant to be everyone’s best friend or at least once they put down those awesome software programs they were holding onto for dear life.
10.It’s A Big Moment
Ah yes, it’s so small that – No, wait, it’s not small at all. Not thin, either. We’ll wait another 20 years, it’s okay. No rush.
12.My Briefcase Is Ringing
We like how the ad mentions “maximum user convenience.” It’s a small phone, y’all, that’s what the advertisers wanted you to think. The smartphones of today are less than a quarter of the size and include all of the features shown here (not that we make phone calls anymore).
13.For Your 2 Favorite Songs
14.That’s A Nice Modem You’ve Got There
15.Just A Small Office Addition Inn-deed
16.If You See This, Call 911
If we saw this model in a store now, we’d back slowly away. We do like the line “when you’re the star, we’re the star.” You’re shining brightly here, WordStar.
The 1980s brought us a color computer. I don’t think we can outdo this retro ad from Radio Shack. Wait, let us try…
My, we’ve come a long, long way baby in the computer age. The ads above are some of the ones that hurt the most. We hope you groaned right along with us as we put together this post. Now let’s all get back to our wearable technologies, shall we?